Making Friends With Our Nightmares: Lessons for Coaches

Suleika Jaouad's Book of Alchemy was featured recently in The New York Times. She introduced a powerful concept that resonated deeply with me: making friends with our nightmares.

Often, when clients resist their fears, those shadows only grow stronger. If they can learn to approach discomfort with curiosity rather than resistance, transformation has a possibility to begins.

As coaches, we often meet clients who've spent years fleeing their metaphorical nightmares—imposter syndrome, fears of failure or rejection. While we can support them as they work to overcome these challenges, we can also:

• Create spaces where they can examine difficult emotions with compassion

• Reframe nightmares as messengers carrying important information

• Practice radical acceptance instead of resistance

I witnessed this with a client who was terrified of public speaking. She had recurring nightmares about freezing on stage. Rather than focusing solely on confidence techniques, we explored what her fear might be trying to tell her. Through dialoguing with this fear, she discovered it was protecting her desire for authentic connection with audiences. Once she befriended it, her relationship with public speaking transformed.

Isn't this the true alchemy of our work? Not eliminating darkness but transforming it into gold?

Have you helped clients befriend rather than battle their fears? I'd love to hear your experiences.